I was reading this morning; she was talking about having the right supporting beam in your journey. She was teaching different ways to obtain and maintain the proper support for your life. Without the proper support beam, the house can crumble. You cannot hammer a mismatched piece of wood to a broken support beam, cover it with drywall and paint in hopes that it will never cause issues. The problem is, it only takes one mishap to hit the broken area at the right moment, and everything will come crumbling down.
I’ve been working a lot on self-growth. I’ve been digging up and pulling out old skeletons, beliefs, and past hurt this year to deal with and move forward from triggers that are holding me back.
I believe to have growth you must heal. People improve in a lot of different ways, through religion, therapy, spiritual quests or a combo of all three. I also believe that it’s not enough to not deal with things only to sprinkle a little Jesus on your foundation and hope that it sticks everything together. I have had to come to the place of full surrender. I’ve loosened my grip on controlling the journey. I realized I’d been white-knuckled driving for most of my life. It feels magnificent to release control and be free to let God lead me. This is a work in progress for sure, but I’m committed.
What I’ve discovered during my self-cleaning is I have a deep rooted fear of people leaving me and taking their love with them. In other words rejection. My ah-ha moment this morning was that I reject myself. This self-rejection lays down the landing strip for others to follow suit.
I talk so badly to myself and about myself and have been for years. You’re not pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, happy enough, outgoing enough, who are you to do something great? Self-doubt, self-rejection, and self-pity are the anchors tied to my feet. Because I play this record over and over, I sabotage my journey. I’m manifesting adverse outcomes with my negative thoughts.
For example, if my husband says something that pushes that rejection trigger, in my head, I hear, “see how can you be loved?” I will then overreact and build walls to protect from that hurt. What I realized is it is not present pain. What he said was a trigger, not an attack. The pain comes from the past. This is why dealing and healing from events that caused scars in your heart are so imperative. I believe that the scars are just holes in which God can shine His light through. You must stumble to see the magnitude of His grace. He is the lifeline.
I’m not finished with my growth quest; I have a long way to go.
Instead of living milestone to milestone I’m choosing to live moment to moment. Miracles happen in the tiniest of moments. There’s incredible success in your daily dedication to your divine assignment and your self-growth. Success is not at the finish line; it’s right here right now with your everyday decisions. Honor and love yourself, your journey, and your scars.
