Vulnerable truth – my truth..
I’m not always happy. Shocking? I know my Facebook pictures might paint a different story, but isn’t that the case most of the time?
From the outside everything looks awesome. I have three beautiful children, a loving husband, a gorgeous home BUT there is a very active little gremlin inside of me. He is in my ear, playing the same negative script over and over, making me question myself, my marriage, my business.
I battle with insecurity and self doubt. There are times I feel angry for no reason. I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do. There is no reason for me to be unhappy or to feel sad, angry and frustrated.
I was told that I’m being ungrateful for the life that I have. In a way maybe they’re right, but it’s not intentional. I love my life. It’s this spiral that I find myself in sometimes that pulls me into a ugly space.
Guess what else? Yes, there is more……
I’m also not always as easy going as I should be. For as long as I can remember I’ve been a little high strung. I worry all the time, it’s like it’s woven in the fibers of my being to be this nervous, anxious worrier.
Are these learned habits? Like my husband says, “your habits matter.”
I want to be more laid back, to let things roll off more effortlessly. I choose that Amy, laid back, easy going, full of joy Amy. The best part of life is that it is full of choices. Your decisions shape you. In the same breathe your indecision will also shape you.
One thing I’ve learned over the years is it’s up to me. I can either remain in the same place, be stuck in negativity land or I can move – the choice is mine to make. I’ve always chosen to work towards being the best me I can be. I might sit in the darkness a little longer than I should at times but I always walk into the light eventually.
I could very easily fall victim to this broken record and stay in a state of misery but what would that do for me? How does that serve me or my family?
Instead I choose to lift my head and keep moving. Sometimes to be our best self we need to seek out guidance. I decided to go to an NLP therapist to work through some issues that have taken root in my soul and to silence this angry little gremlin. If you have never heard of NLP do some research. It is amazing and I’m a true believer in its effectiveness.
I’ve never claimed to have everything figured out, my life is a work in progress…always. I’m in a permanent state of growth.
I know there are many people that are on the battle field right now fighting a war with their emotions and life struggles. Because I’m so public with our journey when writing for The Entrepreneur’s Wife™ I feel I must be real all the way. I must show the dusty corners and share all of my heart with you. Only through open honesty can I truly relate to those walking this journey with me.
