Let’s be real! All married couples argue. You are two different people with your own thoughts, feelings, and expectations. Matt and I can have pretty heated conversations sometimes. Usually it’s over the most ridiculous things, but it happens. There is a right and wrong way to argue though. It’s really easy to say and do something in the heat of the moment that can cause a lot of hurt. If there is any other stress factors that are involved (e.g. money, business, family), a simple miscommunication can turn into a full-on war. Once feelings are hurt that is usually when the gloves come off. At least that is the case for me. Something happens inside of me when I get hurt and I really have to work on my inner self to not go for the jugular. That is where the danger zone lies – between misunderstanding and hurt feelings.
Below are a few tips that I try to remember – the key word is “try.” I’m nowhere near perfect with this.
No Name Calling – Super easy to let this one slip. Even a “you’re crazy or you’re a jerk” can mean bad news.
No interrupting – SO HARD TO DO! I mean, stop it with the BS and I wouldn’t need to interrupt LOL. You want to get your point across, right? Patience, love…be patient.
No Cussing – I think this one is big. You can make your point without using your favorite four letter words. Honestly, it just makes you look ugly.
No sarcasm – Ha! This one is tough for Matt and I because we are both super sarcastic. A simple “Okay” in the right tone can blow it up!
No yelling – Raising your voice is a sign that you’re loosing control. Keep it cool buddy.
No defensiveness – It is really easy to get defensive when someone is pointing out your negative parts. In my experience getting defensive just escalates the already heated discussion.
No Generalization – My favorite… “you always…” and “…all the time.” It’s a way to box someone in… Don’t do it.
No Social Media – HUGE!! Do not take it to the interwebs! No passive aggressive quotes or sly posts to infer there is a storm brewing in paradise. Keep it classy.
I hear people often say, “never go to bed angry.” I disagree. Sometimes it’s too hot and heated (not in a good way) to get resolution. Sleep on it. Morning brings clarity and a calm spirit.
“Love isn’t when there is no fights in the realationship. Love is when once the fight ends, love is still there.” – Unknown