Good communication is the key to a happy marriage. There have been times where we have not excelled in this area. It has taken many years, long nights, some self development, and a lot of hard knocks to learn how to make it work and to do it properly. Below are some tips we use.
1. Set Your Intentions.
There are two basic basic questions you must ask yourself.
What do I want to happen?
How do I want to feel?
2. You’re On The Same Team.
It’s easy to go into a conversation with bullet points you want to drive home. Remember that you are a team. Instead of going into the conversation with the mindset of, “he needs to hear me,” make it a conversation rather than a monologue. Be open to hear as well as being heard. I read that the biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand, rather we listen to reply. Be patient, truly listen.
3. Be Patient.
Remember you are coming from different places. You may have different ways to communicate how you feel. Both are equally important. Be patient and try not to get defensive.
4. Do Not Put It Off Or Push It Down.
Talk about everything. Do not put it off. If something is bothering you make sure to speak your heart. Also be sure to collect your thoughts and come from a good place before starting a conversation. Coming from a place of hurt or anger never creates a conducive environment to communicate.
5. Check To Make Sure The Light Is Green.
I believe that we all have a red, yellow, and green light when it comes to communicating. If I’m in the red zone I’m not open to hearing any other point of view and the conversation will more than likely end in a fight. This is probably not the best time to communicate. The yellow zone is pretty neutral. I can go either way. I usually do not know which way I’m leaning until the conversation starts. Once you see you’re red you must be willing to stop the conversation and say, hey this isn’t the best time to talk can we meet back up on this a little later after I collect my thoughts? When I’m in the green zone I’m open and ready to listen and be heard. A lot of good can come out of communicating in the green zone. It’s easier to understand and you’re more likely to take the “me” out of the convo when you’re in a good clear place.
I hear people say they never go to bed angry. I tend to disagree with this theory. If we are having a heated discussion and we’re not seeing a resolution we will sleep on it. This is VERY difficult to do. It takes true determination and will power to keep your mouth shut when your upset and laying in bed next to each other. When low energy and tired spirits are mixed with tough conversation it will not be a good talk. Sleep on it. Almost every time we go to bed with a unfinished hot topic we wake up with a gentle spirit, a calm heart, and are ready to really hear each other out and resolve any issues that might be present.
I hope these tips help. I know it’s difficult to talk sometimes when emotions are high or when you feel passionate about a subject. Just remember to come from a place of love and stay focused on your shared vision.
