There were times during my journey; I felt like life was happening to me. I believed that I was not in the driver’s seat of my life. I kept this thought pattern for many years. When we were struggling, I felt if only things were different then I would not be thrust into this life of sacrifice. I would think I missed out somehow with the constant dedication to the business.
I then arrived at a crossroads. I looked at my life and realized I lost myself somewhere on the path to this success we were working so hard to obtain. The resentment and angst had gotten so big that I was void of clarity. This is the time that Matt and I separated. For three months I lived alone and functioned as a single Mom. I reflected on my decisions; the key is MY decisions. Thankfully God intervened in our marriage, and we got back together. The climb to success was nothing compared to the climb back to each other.
Around this time I started my self-work. I began to have moments of brilliant clarity. What was very clear to me, I always had choices. I was not a victim of my circumstances. Although many things happened that was out of my control what I did control was the way I reacted. I started to take full responsibility for where I was and where I’ve been in my life. I looked in the mirror and chose to find the path back to myself, but to do that, I had to stop looking outward and go inward for the answers I needed.
A huge lesson for me was allowing time to heal. There will inevitably be moments where your life feels like chaos. You may find yourself in pain from the mistakes made in finances and business. You may also find yourself on your knees from a fall that seems at the moment will take you under. I believe that those times are the most important. The moment of brokenness creates a humbleness and readiness to look up and grow. Growth does not always feel good. But, during these times make sure you feel through and take the time to let go of the hurt and resentment. If not you may find yourself years down the road being triggered by the wounds that didn’t heal. I had to trace my timeline and stop at each moment of pain look at the wound, access the pain and release it so I could create momentum in my life. You do not have to take this long path like I did. You can learn from my mistakes. Do the work in the moment, so you’re not haunted by your past roadblocks.
What I’m about to say might sting a little. I say this with complete love.
You are not a victim in your entrepreneur’s wife journey. You may not always be in the driver’s seat, but you are a super important co-pilot. Your life is full of choices, the choice to stay, the choice to heal, the choice to grow, the choice to continue to replay past pain, the choice to take full responsibility for you, the choice to love yourself and the choice to show grace for yourself and your entrepreneur.
Once you realize you actually are in control, you can let go and believe that the life you chose to live in may not be perfect and without flaws but you can thrive in the uncertainty and chaos. It’s 100% up to you.
I love you and believe in you. You are so powerful; YOU are the backbone of your family. Have a blessed weekend. <3